letter one [updated]

its me again, updating my blog. its been a while im not into this writing stuff.
well this photo is the present me. taken when i were at campus night.
now iam reading 'tuesdays with morrie'. its such a fascinating touching stories..
it takes a few of months to buy it. even my friends had it, i just find it uncomfortable if i had to borrow from them. so i bought it to myself when there's 30 percent discount at aksara bookstore,kemang. theres some interesting words..
- the culture doesnt encourage you to think about such things until you're about to die.
we're involved in trillions of little acts just to keep going. so we dont get into the habit of standing back and looking at aour lives and saying, Is this all I want? Is something missing?
we all need teachers in our lives -
and i still wondered where's mine?
i wish there's someone out there to lesson me, teach me about how i should do? how i should be?
or even how should i act to be a human being.
im gonna tell some stories of my life,
thats about my momma. momma, is the name that i saved on my contact cellphones.
i love her. and always will. but i dontknow somehow i dont really like her.
told by my sister.. about her experiences with my momma.
how my momma made her sad. but momma is momma. and she's the one that giving me a life.
warmth touch where no one could replace her.
when i was in high school, that my ex-boyfriend's died in an accident (which makes me hate indonesian police very much!). thou' he's not really my bestfriend. but i regard him as a brother.
that ever teach me how to deal with the youth. i were in dillema that time. cries.and cries.
calling him just to convinced me that someone still cares or whatever idont remember.
and when i wanted to see his graves. to mourn him.
my dearest momma does not let me go to his grave.
she told me its dangerous, middle of night.
but i was in shock and couldnt understand. i really want to go.
the moment she dissapointed me, is that when i really want my mother's warmness.
shes scolding me. she kept scolding, i dont know what's the reason.
i just want to feel her warmness when im in a middle of shock that my friend die.
she just dont understand. and maybe, maybe i dont understand.
but i do think, that sometimes she's really unfair to my sisters.
its really conspicous. alot of stories there. that i cant explain in here.
but i know she's really adores me :)
im so happy that i have momma.
bytheway, she seldom calling me lately. miss her voice.
and voila! i wanted to send her beijing opening ceremony dvd..
wish it could make her happy.