grown-up

growing up.
am i a grown-up man? its really hard to grow up.
i need someone to teach me.
here are some of my fave.words:
be happy though :) life is beautiful (taken from the ex's comment)
wishing is not doing (from mr.candy, a man that is diligent in doing his design work, so envy~ hehehe)
worrying solves NOTHING (from mr.candy too)

besok hunting foto di museum bank indonesia nih. hihi.. i love hunting pictures khususnya di kota. sukaaaa banget suasananya. dan pacar gue selalu bertanya dengan heran:knapa sih gue suka foto yang ga penting dan aneh?- i love all details, ngga peduli itu jelek atau bagus. tapi gue suka banget memerhatikan detail2 dari sebuah kursi yang hancur ataupun sampah. dan mulai memotretnya. aneh ya? but i dont care. im just loving it. hihi.
gue baru me-review archives blog gue di friendster. huahaha.
gue bener2 berubah ya. dan emang harus berubah dan berbuah sih. hahaha. berubah menjadi lebih dewasa dan baik. berbuah menghasilkan sesuatu yang berguna.
i miss my home- kadangkala gue ngga ingin menyebutkan "its a home" karena banyak sekali kejadian yang sedih/marah/unsolved di tempat itu. dan gue hanya bisa mendeskripsikan bagaikan gurita. sesuatu yang lo ngga bisa ngelepasin and always be in your heart. tapi suasana di rumah gue kayanya sudah lumayan reda sejak kakak pertama gue pindah keluar negri kerja. dan semakin sepih. hanya ada kakak kedua.momma.poppa. oh i miss them so much. miss momma (kadang juga kesel kalo keingetan kejadian yang mengecewakan dimana gue butuh banget dukungan, sepatah kata apapun yang bisa meredakan tangisan gue ketika temen gue passed away. tapi nggaada. ) miss poppa (poppa pendiam. and really work so hard for this family.gue harap gue bisa curhat sm poppa)cie cia(miss taking pictures and shopping. heez)
bbrp hari yang lalu, gue mimpi beradu mulut sama kakak gue yang keempat. semoga tidak terjadi di dunia realita yah.

a fighter

i thought that i was good enough and not even trying all of imporatant things in my life. but i just figured it out. that life is about fight and win. and dont forget about love. how you treating someone. how you hating someone. how you react of things that unpredictable. and when your day is not a good day. sometimes, a point of my view, is just enjoying all of fun things and didnt care about the neccesary BIG (which i am so careless) things. and now i wish im not just talking. id like to act. to react. to do. to be myself and to be good for everyone. school assignments which i do not take it seriously. and do all the "my" stuff. which makes me regret of looking back at my scores.
let us not put hopes up.
i hope tommorow i can be better.
be the person who i want to be.
and not just playing around.
this life is unsatisfying.
i need to deal it with myself.
i need to work it out.
to schedule every day.
to retain my work.
rebuild things up.


xoxo.

true colours of friend.

setelah bergaul sama beberapa teman perempuan di kampus. seeing their true colours. a man isnot perfect, tapi kalo sampe punya sifat yang keterlaluan bgt, maless bgt! dan teman2 ini hanya bisa dijadikan teman "kampus", ngga bisa diandalkan sebagai teman baik. bahkan buat nitip absen aja susah, apalagi dijadiin teman! hahahaha. apa orang semakin berumur semakin egois dan bener2 ngga memperdulikan orang2 sekitarnya ya? sekalipun membantu aja susah. yang ada malah menjatuhkan. tapi sejak gue kuliah, gue baru menyadari ternyata gue bisa juga ya punya teman yang egois bgt. padahal dulu pas sma terasa asik2 aja. dan semua org itu saling membantu. bukannya berteman hanya berdasarkan mengambil keuntungan. dari kerja kelompok, ngobrol2, sampe ngegosipin orang2 ke selebriti ive seen all of them. kadang muak bgt. i cant even dress what i like etc. selalu mendapat komentar. oh, r u wearing hi-heels to campus? r u wearing eyeliner? - itu pas petengahan kuliah. who's gonna give a damn about it?? idont even care about how my friend's look. kalo emang ada yang aneh atau salah ya pasti diomongi baik2. aneh ngga sih kalo pake legging.sneakers.loose t-shirts? mgkn bagi bbrp org di kampus gue ngga biasa kali yah?. sampe dikomentarin, ih aneh bgt pakaian lo. td si ... juga bilang,etcetc.kata2 yang ga enakin. hahahahaha. trus ngegosipin selebriti pake bikini di baLi. so whattt,bitch? malah ngomentarin ihh dia kok pake bikini yah. ih dia kok gini gtu yah?? yaampun. biasa aja kalee. lagian selebriti juga. bener2 kepoh abis deh. kebanyakan nonton sinetron indo x ya? .
yang kerja kelompok, malah yang ada nge-bossy. suruh ini itu, padahal sendiri ngga mau ngerjain. yang ada merintah2. who do you think you are, huh?? ngomong ketus-ketus. judes abis. yaampun deh gue gatahan banget. a really good friend are hard to find.
gimana sih perasaan lo, klo ketemu orang yang sensitifnya minta ampun tapi suka ga jaga omongan sendiri dan judesin orang? kalo kita ngatain dia, yang ada malah dia sedih.nangis.sensian.blg ini itu. yukes.. maless bgt.
ah sebentar lagi juga sm.8. semoga ngga bertemu tipe2 orang begini lagi. fiuhhh... please. hahaha.

threehhdeee

gila.. 3dmax susahnya minta ampunn. gue kira gue yang bego sendiri. ternyata stlh gue nyoba2 bikin sofa yang ngga bisa di chamfer (jadi kaya' kursi bayi) skrg bisa. SIALAN! sampe gue turn off.on.off.on laptop gue. kepanasan. ngga bisa tidur. penasaran!!! kenapa sihh? maren bisa bikin skrg ga bisa. tapi tadi barusan aja bisa TUH chamfer. huhu.. thanks GOD. am i stupid? hehehehh. MAX nya error. shit! masa chamfer harus di klik.non-klik.klik baru bisa. gila aja, gue kirain gue salah. sampe diulang2. buka tutup programnya. it made me goin' crazy. aduh.. semoga ke depannya lancar deh. walaupun ngga bisa jadi arsitek (saingan yang kuat dan banyak), gue mau kok jadi 3d maker. hahahahaha. kasian bgt gue. siaL.. bsk uda masuk kuliah neee. terasa males bgt. stiLL discuss abt smallness vs bigness. MUAK banget sama topik itu. uda BOSAN padahal blum menghasilkan bangunan apa2. hahaha. tapi gue suka project stupa ini drpd sebelumnya, bikin apartemen, hiks. sedih. =(( something i dont like, i wont do it well. hahahaha. 1 semester lagi nih,YA TUHAN. gue ngga siap ke dunia kerja. semoga gue bisa lulus dengan IPK yang baik dan mendapatkan pekerjaan di luar indo! amin!!!! =) God bless me. udah ngga sabar pengen naik mrt.jalan di pedestrian.ngomong bahasa inggris. HAHAHAHA.. daydreamin' ga sih guee?? tapi gue MUAK sama polusi di jakarta. hahahaha. tapi tempatnya ok sih. orgnya ada bbrp ok sih. hahahaha. *maunya banyak banget* yaampun, selama liburan lebaran aidil fitri ini ngga menghasilkan apa2. sangat2 tidak efektif sampe gue kehilangan mood untuk mengerjakan semua hal yang penting. yang ada juga pergi makan.jalan.dengerin bahasa jawa(hahahah).tidur sampe jam 1 siang. GILA. aktifitas apa ini?? GOD...... please.
make me useful. huahahahaha.
duh kangen sm mama papa. dan doggie, kiki.
hahahahahahahaha.
gial nih, besok kuliah stuprof skrg blom tidur.
uda ham 02.59.
huhuhuhu..
p.s : list baju gue ilang selama ngekos di jkt:
- sandal gold m.phosis
- bra pink la senza (sial nih!!!!)
- boxer topshop (gila ya yang nyuri ini??)
- tanktop biru tua topshop (sedih)
- cardigan abu2 + tube dress miss selfridge (gila ajeee)


yaampun, semoga ngga hilang lagi deh baju2 gue. sedih bgt.
yang ilang malah barang2 kesukaan gue. knapa ga ambil baju tidur aja luuh, pencuri!!!! *emosi*

letter three

hello there again..
the angel from my nightmare is getting lost.
and i hope i can keep getting it out of my way.
hari ini ngga enak banget.
ke dufan pagi. gila boo, ramenya minta ampun.
kora-kora.poci2(krn plg sepih!).rumah jahil.rumah miring.ontang anting. dan terakhir ngantri extreme log, saking sumpek dan baunya orang2 gue pusing dan mual bgt. the worst feeling i ever had.
dan berbaring2 di bawah terik matahari. bagian kaki gue mateng nih!
uda kaya' suntanned kali yah? hohoho..
jadinya ga bisa ntn police academy bersama kakak tercinta.
huhuhu.. im so sorry sis..
dan untuk kedua kalinya nonton laskar pelangi.
tetep pengen nangis pas scene-si anak pesisir,whos that name? mahar ya klo ga salah. meninggalkan sekolah. ditambah lagu2 yg dinyanyiin bareng. it really really touched my heart.
and i really love school.
jadi keinget skolahan sd dulu. hi hi
nothing special, but its really a good feeling.
bunga-bunga iris-bener ga sih namanya? warna kuning kecil kaya' bunga matahari. skolahan gue dulu dikelilingi hutan. hahaha.
but its really fun. kadang kami bisa jalan2 ke bukit di belakang, ngelewatin rumah liar.
gue suka banget ngelewatin rumah-rumah liar.
kerasa 'smallness. hahaha.
all kind of details.animals.human's life.
its really sweet for me.
tiap pagi ngelewatin rumah2 kumuh, ga kumuh2 banget sih ya, di samping kampus.
it was fun for me. just to take alook at those ppl.
children playing around.
dakucing-kucing dan anjing-anjing yg lucu. hi hi
ada musholla,trus klo malem hari, ada yang jualan-jadi kaya' pasar malam mini. ho ho ho
gerobak-gerobak. ibu-ibu yang hanya sekedar duduk ngobrol santai.
and really not to bother about how they live.
they just so sweet to love together. even there's no good food, healty living. it is just a simple way to live.
i wish means:wouldnt it be nice if...
if you always make the right decision, the safe decision, the one most people make, you will always the same as everyone else.
Always wishing life was different.

p.s: gue pengen banget bisa kenalan sama orang yg bernama 'lintang dan mahar di film laskar pelangi. ops i just remember si anak pesisir's name - lintang. ho ho ho..

letter two [o1]

well well.. tonight, no, its dawn! heez.. i wanna post everything i have to. updating this blog. poor blog! hahaha. im so so failed. such a loser. i cant even talk in a public. its just.. i dontknow, i felt so shy,afraid, hands trembeling whenever i go in a public. guess i have to overcome to it. and bring the good presentation. :) bytheway, here's two days ago presentation about dichotomy. only me and amelia finish it. thanks God, that we can sleep for just a few hours before the presentation. i was so lazy doing those things. because its not the dichotomy that i wanted. but nevermind. now the lecturer told us, we have to change the main topic. we wanted to discuss about between those who lives in condos, apartments activites and people live in slum houses's. but now, we have to focus on the Bigness and Smallness. where Bigness is killing people's life. killing the good architecture. KILL THE SKY CRAPER, quote on the rem koolhaas's book. because its not bringing a good socialite to the world. where people became not knowing each other, not making a good interaction, make people live in individualist, somekind of egoistic living. we have to make it a change. to create a good architecture. life betweens buildings, i think. a place that everyone feel the togetherness. oh man.. its so hard to upload the images.. imgonna upload it for next blog.

letter one [updated]

its me again, updating my blog. its been a while im not into this writing stuff.
well this photo is the present me. taken when i were at campus night.
now iam reading 'tuesdays with morrie'. its such a fascinating touching stories..
it takes a few of months to buy it. even my friends had it, i just find it uncomfortable if i had to borrow from them. so i bought it to myself when there's 30 percent discount at aksara bookstore,kemang. theres some interesting words..
- the culture doesnt encourage you to think about such things until you're about to die.
we're involved in trillions of little acts just to keep going. so we dont get into the habit of standing back and looking at aour lives and saying, Is this all I want? Is something missing?
we all need teachers in our lives -
and i still wondered where's mine?
i wish there's someone out there to lesson me, teach me about how i should do? how i should be?
or even how should i act to be a human being.
im gonna tell some stories of my life,
thats about my momma. momma, is the name that i saved on my contact cellphones.
i love her. and always will. but i dontknow somehow i dont really like her.
told by my sister.. about her experiences with my momma.
how my momma made her sad. but momma is momma. and she's the one that giving me a life.
warmth touch where no one could replace her.
when i was in high school, that my ex-boyfriend's died in an accident (which makes me hate indonesian police very much!). thou' he's not really my bestfriend. but i regard him as a brother.
that ever teach me how to deal with the youth. i were in dillema that time. cries.and cries.
calling him just to convinced me that someone still cares or whatever idont remember.
and when i wanted to see his graves. to mourn him.
my dearest momma does not let me go to his grave.
she told me its dangerous, middle of night.
but i was in shock and couldnt understand. i really want to go.
the moment she dissapointed me, is that when i really want my mother's warmness.
shes scolding me. she kept scolding, i dont know what's the reason.
i just want to feel her warmness when im in a middle of shock that my friend die.
she just dont understand. and maybe, maybe i dont understand.
but i do think, that sometimes she's really unfair to my sisters.
its really conspicous. alot of stories there. that i cant explain in here.
but i know she's really adores me :)
im so happy that i have momma.
bytheway, she seldom calling me lately. miss her voice.
and voila! i wanted to send her beijing opening ceremony dvd..
wish it could make her happy.